why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
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