I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
