Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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