have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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