Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
