Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
