How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
