You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
