Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
