you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize