so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
