hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Randomize
