I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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