Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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