Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
