Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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