Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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