St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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