No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
