i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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