So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
