Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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