You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's shark week go big or go home
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
