i jhust puked up my retainher.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
