Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
