Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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