I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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