dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
