My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
