omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this boner is exhausting
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
