Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
