it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
