I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize