he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
