Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
