i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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