that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
