its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
