I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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