soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
