So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
