He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
