I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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