you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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