Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
