Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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