My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Randomize
