It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
