Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
