So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize