When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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