You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
