Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
