I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That accounts for only three of the penises
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
