Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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