I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
