I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
