i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
