i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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