So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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