when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Randomize
