Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
