wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
