awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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