I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
