at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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