im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
