Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
