Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
