Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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