Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
