you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize