just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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