so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We need to get me chipped asap
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize