oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
