the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
