Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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