I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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