the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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