I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
