Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
one might say we're banned from that church
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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