grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
