I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
