Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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