Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
