Non-Jews are for practice
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
