Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Pooping to opera.
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