Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
