How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
